Below are the 19 most recent journal entries recorded in Rachel Jenks' LiveJournal:

Monday, January 31st, 2005
6:22 pm	You dont need to emerge from nothing Hey guys, tear me apart. Dissect me with your words. I want to know what you think of me. And honestly. I dont want any of this namby pamby "Oh, I think youre a great person and blah blah blah". Cause, I am a bitch and I just want to know what about me bugs you the most. So, please, pick and choose the worst of words, I want them all. Current Mood: curious Current Music: Fischerspooner (11 people love me | | love me )
Sunday, January 30th, 2005
1:07 pm	Piss Off Fuck you. Yea, you. Theres only a few people I am not pissed off at. I think this is the worst PMS I have had since I was 14. Damn, I hope everyone would stop ignoring me, making plans that they dont intent to keep, and share my secrets and old notes. So, fuck you. I am going to go talk to Aithne, cause she doesnt piss me off. Current Mood: bitchy Current Music: Peggy Lee (11 people love me | | love me )
Saturday, January 29th, 2005
2:04 pm	Its just you and me old man Thats from Igby Goes Down. Sorta feel like that right now. I dont know. I am just really bored and even if people make plans to do something with me, they get fucked. Current Mood: bored Current Music: Igby Goes Down playing in the backround (4 people love me | | love me )
Friday, January 28th, 2005
11:01 pm	TNC I just feel like crying. Kristin and Aithne did a superb job of making me forget my woes for a bit, but now they are back. I justr want to do something normal, in a normal place and have permission for it. Like, right now the only thing I want is to be sitting at Roma with Nicole, Sarah, Francesca, Amber and Francesca. Thats totally completly fuckin normal. I guess what I want even more than that is to just have everyone at someones house. Like, I want to be able to tell my mom who I am with and be honest. But, she makes it so hard. Like, I cant do anything, I cant go anywhere and theres certain people that cant come over. And its going to be like this for a very long time. In my dream I was crying and Nicole gave me a hug. I am crying and I want a damn hug. So, its not like I am feeling regected or neglected by my friends, but I just feel really god damned unloved cause no one is allowed to love me. Does that make sense? I am just so fucking tired of being in trouble, going against the rules. And, its not like I dont like getting caught for being bad, I dont like being bad anymore. But its impossible to be good and still be sane. I know I am not making sense, but I think I am beyond caring. And I am sitting here, freezing my ass off and just crying. No one here cares. Everyone here just thinks I am turning on the waterworks to get my way. Its not like that at all. I am just so tired of... being. Ya know what I mean? Current Mood: stressed (13 people love me | | love me )
4:31 pm	Veronice Lake I am so bored that I feel like cutting just for the sake of having some feeling flowing through my body. But I wont. I am too scared of bleeding too much, getting addicted to it, and my mom finding out and making me go back to the hospital. So, I am going to just update my humble journal. I called Kristin and she said she was going to come over. Its 4:30 now, so I doubt she is going to. Makes me sad, but whatever works I guess. Only, it doesnt work for me. I have successfully styled my hair like Veronica Lake, perfected my make up, and done the dishes. And I still have nothing to do. But, hell, I can sit and... sit. Its kind of cool to me that I have gone all week without wearing a bra. I only put one on once cause Francesca was coming over. Yep. I think I will give them up forever and ever. The phone just rang and I was so excited cause I though maybe, just MAYBE someone would call for me. But, no. Its Anny for Hannah. So, fuck people. I just want to be out of the house. I am done writing. That damn razor is looking mighty tasty right now. Current Mood: bored Current Music: Eminem (25 people love me | | love me )
6:57 am	Brunette Cheerleader So I had a dream last night that I was cheer captain. Then some person got mad at me cause I stole her outfit to prom and I cried and cried. It was weird. Nicole was in my dream too. I am super weird about hugging her, so you can see that it would be EXTREMLY odd that I hugged her in my dream. Only she had hair... That is important. Anyway. What the hell is a dream like that supposed to mean? Eh, dont really care. I hope that people can hang out today, I really want to see Francesca. Current Mood: indifferent Current Music: None (3 people love me | | love me )
Thursday, January 27th, 2005
9:50 pm	SLEEEEEEEEEPPPP I had in mind to call Francesca, see how things turned out. But then I took a nap... and there went the day. I am glad that I got to see Kristin, Aithne and Amber today. I feel bad though, I was a total zombie the whole time. Christine (my shrink) thought I was really depressed today... Nothing I said convinced her otherwise and I was not about to tell her the truth, that I didnt really get too much sleep. The CCC didnt help one bit. But, hell, who am I to blow against the wind. Oh PLEASE Christine, up my meds, I am terribly depressed these days... Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: 102.5 (not my choice though) (4 people love me | | love me )
4:06 pm	Gangsta I feel like passing out. I am so pale and sickly gross today. I swear, that 10 took every ounce of color from me. But, hell, what do I care? The only thing thats bugging me really bad is I want a god damned donut. I want 3 fat donuts. Hmm, a maple old fashioned, french crueller, and a maple bar. Yep, I have a bad raving for a donut. Weird. Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: none (6 people love me | | love me )
Wednesday, January 26th, 2005
3:27 pm	im rachel. actually im kristin on rachels sn., weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i curl hair. fun fun fun/.// i cant type. faan is metallicly white sweatshirt!!! aithne(ike) is lifeguard! now she is touching her boobies. mwahahahahah no nsdagfo sdanboiupsgsadrbzc (6 people love me | | love me )
2:04 pm	Meanie My mom is a regular porker... I hate being around her while she eats. Its like she cant cram enough food in her mouth even between bites. She holds her food close to her. The way she attacks food reminds me of my rats, only mom is in no way shape or form cute. And she is always asking me "How did I get so fat?". I just want to scream at her "Bitch, if you would only get your mind off that burrito for 2 seconds you would know the answer!". Of course, people who eat a lot dont bug me. Faan eats all the time... Difference is, she is actually hungry when she eats and she doesnt shovel it in her mouth. I know that is a real bitchy thing to say about my own mom, but if I am going to say, I should say it here... Current Mood: bitchy Current Music: Faans crappy music (3 people love me | | love me )
Tuesday, January 25th, 2005
1:44 pm	Talking Out of Me Ass... Well, I think my presentation went well, though I talked out of my ass about fuel cells and aluminum frames. And dont forget momentum and impluse! I got a high B... Yay for me and my "leadership skills". I hate it when people dont email me like they promise to. *HINT HINT* My mom woke me up earlier than normal so we could get to school by 0 dark 30. I was wearing a sweatshirt and normal pj bottoms. To get ready for school all I did was change my pants. So, here I was at 8:30, standing in front of 40 people wearing nothing under my sweatshirt. It was highly comfortable, though a little weird. Current Mood: apathetic Current Music: Francisco talking... (4 people love me | | love me )
Monday, January 24th, 2005
9:24 pm	You said someday youd turn around... Today I cut for the very first time. I am oddly proud of myself. Weird, huh? I hat esaying this, but though I was really freaked out at first, I got a strange rush out of it. So now I have a little triangle on my left wrist. My bracelet can cover it up, so no one will see it if I dont want them to. I wish I werent so damned shy!!! I mean, there is so much wrapped up in a hug for me. Like, I still cant hug Nicole. I have once when I was on 16, and I really, really regret it. Hugs really shouldnt be a big deal. But, to me they mean more than most things... I wish I could just get over myself and hug people when I want to. But, hell, thats me for ya... Note to Francesca and Kristin, I dont think I can go anywhere tonight cause I have a presentation in my moms class tomorrow. Normally I wouldnt give a damn about a dumb presentation, but it is in my moms class after all. But, maybe tomorrow night? Plus, tomorrow is a big day for both of you. Kristin, start of the new semester is a good time to turn a new leaf. Francesca, first impressions always last the longest, so make a good one. So, I am sorry that I agreed to it in the first place, but it does sound like fun... Tomorrow? Current Mood: calm Current Music: Peggy Lee (7 people love me | | love me )
11:46 am	DP for my esophagus....? Anyway... I like the way this journal looks, and I like the user name more, so from now on I think I will use this one. People are all converting to myspace, so why not switch back. Plus, the reason why I switched in the first place is a non issue now. So, here is where I will write my thoughts from now on. I hope I am still on all your friends lists. Comment if you read this, just so I know who my audience is. Current Mood: apathetic Current Music: Eminiem (6 people love me | | love me )
Thursday, January 20th, 2005
11:23 am	LIKE A VIRGIN AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Yeah. I am fucking pissed off. I dont have ebough fucking cuss words. I have used them all up, screaming at ******, though she will never hear me. I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs. I dont think I am really mad at her, just the fact that yet another person is ignoring me. I got an email today that I really liked. That made me feel really good until I went on FUCKING MYSPACE. FUCK YOU TOO!!!!!!!!!! I mean, it was like a giant slap to the face. Fucking bitch. ( love me )
Monday, October 18th, 2004
12:17 pm	Gualala I deleted Aithne and Kristin from this friends list, and no one else reads this one, so I think I can pretty much speak my mind on this one. Yesterday I went to a movie with Nicoletta and Sarah. It was... ok. I enjoyed hanging out with them actually. The movie was kinda boring to me, so I was thinking about other stuff. Sarahs b day is coming up and she is going to Gualala for her party again. Kinda sad though cause she is taking Nicole. Just like, what the hell. You know what I mean? Kind of a special place for me, and if I were her I would feel really weird taking Nicole there. Angie is here, so I am going to go play a card game with her and ignore her similarities to Sarah. (6 people love me | | love me )
Saturday, October 2nd, 2004
8:43 am	Oh well No one reads this one anymore, right? Please comment if you do. (4 people love me | | love me )
Wednesday, August 18th, 2004
6:11 pm	Fuck This will be my last entry and I will be making the rest private. (5 people love me | | love me )
Friday, May 21st, 2004
12:58 pm	Holistic Spice An evening with Philosophy Theres a certain reasoning to everything. One really can not avoid seeing this at least one point or another. I discovered my rhyme and reason at a decent age. 15 is a quarter. Not aquarter as in 25 cents or 25% even one half of a half, but a quarter as in a quarter of an hour, a quarter of a pie, one fourth of 60. 60 seems to me the wholest number out there. True, its not easily remembered like the metric system with its 1s, 10s, and 100s, but who said that 100 is the perfect number? Now, all this rambling about 15 may seem irrelevant to the point I was trying to make, but really its not. You see, 15 is when the truth sought me out. I found her lovely face in a drug. Like most people who have tried it, I felt the need to experience the entirety of its effects. One of these effects is the establishment of a new understanding, if only for a few fleeting moments. My developing brain could then see beyong itself, into the past, present and future all at the same time. I saw Saturn and its magnificent rings, and then back to this sapphire and emerald planet into hts very core of humanity. The world then made sense. I saw everything as it was, as it should be, and how it would be. I had a wonderful epiphany of life. Oh, fair, fair humanity! Do not misinterpet these words as ones of endoresement of substance abuse! Some of the more holistic drugs are holy and not to be used for an alternative to sober life! Jesus, i have writen way too much fro my own good. Current Mood: philosophical Current Music: Evita soundtrack ( love me )
Friday, May 14th, 2004
9:30 am	Cracked LCD Hello all ye fellow people that boredom has held in her iron fist. Today I have a special guest. Her name shall be withheld til the end of the show, at which time she will be unveiled for all to behold. She has come from a land far distant from our own. A land of milk and honey so to speak. A land where all goodness is present and nothing could go wrong. But, alas, it has. On the 4th of June in the year of our Lord 1988, Terror was born unto the silken white arms of her forlorn mother. Caos was to speep the nation as this small gift from the bearer of evil roamed its populace. Innocent it seemed at first. No threat to a thing. But mental havock was in the mind of this child. A plethera of crude and misreable ideas were her intent. Those who knew her loved her at first, then were swept away into her cruel world, from which there was no escape. And thus was the fate of a similar at heart child, her name also being held. They found refuge in each other, and the world had a rest from the terror. Peace was settled as the two snuggled close, shutting all others out of their sight and emotions. Cliches are sometimes the only words to truly express something, and thus is this case. All things must come to an end. And so it was. The two parted, seeking to dwell on another soul, seeking to suck the emotions out of all others in their own unique way. One by stealing away into their heart, the other stealing them away to her own killing site. Their kisses are fatal. All those who touch the mouthes of these fair temptresses fall, all consiousness gone, delivered to their masters by way of simple thoughts. Unbenounced to these sirens was the evolution of another foul creature. But, this plot is getting far too weaved from my drugged little brain to spell out, so I will continue it in my thoughts, visiting this planet of milk and honey by way of my lovely skittle red limousine. Farewell, my creatures of leathery presence. Current Mood: indescribibly not here Current Music: Sha Sha in my head.... ( love me )